Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Snow by David Berman

Original: "A room with the walls blasted to shreds and falling."
Could be thought of as a room ruined by someone, not a natural cause.
Changed: "A room with the walls destroyed and torn apart."

Original: "Our voices hung close in the new acoustics."
Could be an echo.
Changed: "Our voices lingered in the new acoustics."

Original: "We returned to our shoveling, working side by side in silence."
Could be interpreted as everything was silent, not just the kids.
Changed: "We returned to our shoveling, working side by side without speaking."

No comments:

Post a Comment